MANILA, Philippines — Gone are the days of love letters and harana. ‘Tis the age of e-cards and social networking sites, of videos of love confessions and marriage proposals on YouTube. And being in a relationship today is as easy as changing one’s Facebook status from “Single” to “In a relationship” or “It’s complicated.”
In this day and age, when the young spend most of their time online, they are exposed to more potential relationships, be it friendship or full-blown romantic relationships.
“The pervasiveness of the internet would expose young people to more potential relationships. I would say the interaction is quicker, you can befriend someone even outside of your country or an online boyfriend or girlfriend,” explains Ronald Molmisa, a Christan youth minister, academic teacher and author.
Times may have changed but is the concept of the younger generation of relationships and true love has been lost in the digital world?
What Is True Love?
Molmisa has been a pastor of a Christian youth ministry for 15 years now. He has interacted with hundreds of teenagers, counselling them on their relationship problems. He is also an author of the book “Lovestruck: Love Mo Siya, Sure Ka Ba?” a book geared to tell teenagers the value of love and relationships.
In his experience in talking to the youth, Molmisa discovered that the young people’s concept of love and relationships has drastically changed due to peer pressure or the influence of media.
“Their concept on traditional relationship has changed but it depends who influences them. Based on studies, one of the things that preserve one’s values is the family, faith or religion, and then school,” he says.
The influence of the family, he adds, is very important because without it, young people tend to look for something or someone to fill the void. Being in a dysfunctional family can push a child to get his/her concept of love and relationships from somebody else.
“Today, many young people look for love in the wrong places. That’s sad. We really need to strengthen the influence of the family, the church and the school. The parents don’t even watch what their kids do on the internet. It’s dangerous in a sense that your child is exposed to something he/ she is not ready for. It again boils down to the family,” Molmisa shares.
More often than not, their concept of true love is shallow and roughly based on emotions. Molmisa says that the youth should remember that love is not based on emotions but on a decision.
He says that physical attraction is being confused with love when it is in fact just infatuation. They need to remember that love is not based on the shallow perception of physical attraction but rather a decision to love him/her despite of.
“The problem is kids today base it on looks. When they get older, it changes, more on security, etc. They should not confuse love with infatuation. Infatuation is shallow in a sense that it is driven by emotions. Most of the time you become self-centered, it’s all about how you feel, how the relationship makes you happy ,” Molmisa says.
Of Casual Relationships And Hollywood
The advent of TV shows and movies that tackle casual relationships reinforces the notion that it is okay not to treat relationship seriously.
“We are influenced by the Westernized notions on dating and relationships. We are influenced by Hollywood culture. Given the media that we have right now, the television and movies are still bigger of an influence than internet. These shows reinforce notions of virtual and casual relationships,” Molmisa explains.
Moreover, kids who commit themselves in relationships are getting younger and younger. Again, television plays a big role. The concept of “tweens,” an age bracket from 10 years old to early teenage years, never existed before.
“Today as early as elementary, the kids already enter relationships. It may be more childish and maybe just a game for them but this is the effect of the media to them. ‘Tweens’ TV shows tackles romance between young kids. It does somehow reflect what is happening now but these shows just reinforce it and they give an idea to more kids,” he shares.
What’s more disturbing is that the kids today are more exposed to the world of sex, no thanks to the internet. Pornography is so widespread it can also be seen even in social networking sites where most of the kids spend their time on.
Relationships Are Not Games
Molmisa discovered that kids today are treating relationships like games. One example is the “pasa-pasahan” culture of boys in public schools. A boy from a group of friends would take the opportunity to create a relationship with an ex-girlfriend of a friend.
“Every youth group has a different culture. You will be surprised at the attitudes of kids in public schools. I discovered the culture of ‘pasa pasahan’ among a group of male friends. The boys would create relationships with the ex-girlfriend of a friend until all of the boys in the group had a relationship with that girl. Relationships are important to them because it boosts their self esteem. There’s peer pressure to have a girlfriend or boyfriend. Acceptance in the group is so important to them,” he shares.
A relationship is not a game, Molmisa emphasizes and the youth should treat every relationship seriously.
“From a perspective of a youth minister, there are tried and tested biblical principles that we should obey for us to not to get hurt when committing in a relationship. For me, relationships are meant to be permanent. The people who get into relationships today can easily get out of it because of the new culture,” he says.
He says that it is okay to have an online relationship as long as they also have an offline connection. To sustain a serious relationship, one needs to have a physical interaction and not just virtual.
Stay Single, For Now
More importantly, Molmisa says that relationships can wait. Young people should enjoy being single and worry about relationships in the future. He advises the youth to remember four things — God, parents, good friends, and dreams.
“First, find your happiness in God. People may fail you, people may love you but time will come when you will be frustrated because we all have our weaknesses. But if your eyes are fixed on the one you love, no matter what, you will be satisfied. That’s the greatest love affair you can have, with God,” he says.
Kids should obey they parents because they know what’s best for them. Choosing the right set of friends will also help how one deal with relationships.
“You should focus on achieving you dreams. When you have a girlfriend or boyfriend, you allot time for them. Oftentimes they get pregnant because of these relationships. You should delay any relationships first. Focus on your studies and set yourself to achieve your goals and dreams,” Molmisa ends.
source: mb.com.ph
